I'm Back

I have really missed keeping a blog since we have been home, which has surprised me. I did not realise how much I enjoyed writing ... particularly writing about our travels. Or maybe I miss our adventures and having something really interesting to say. Anyway I have decided to start again. I am pretty sure our lives will not be so interesting but I enjoy writing about them ... after all it is all about 'me'!

Life back home has been up and down. Adjusting back to the everyday ho hum has not always been easy. Coming back to winter has not been fun! Starting back at work ... me starting my own practice and Pete getting back into teaching and consulting again has been stressful at times. Trying to get the right balance between work and life is not easy. I think we are starting to make some progress. Pete is getting more clear about the sort of work he wants to do and my practice is building slowly. I have a website that lucy helped me put together. There are so many funky designs out there, I found it quite inspiring. I have three couples I am seeing... I love my work!! I am earning money ... not necessarily making money yet, but covering my costs, which is a good start. Having my own practice was always something that I wanted and was part of my plan for my professional future and now I am doing it. Sometimes I find myself thinking, 'I am actually doing this!' There is some anxiety and fear at times, but mostly I enjoy what I am doing.

Pete is loving working in our garden and I love watching him. He seems so relaxed and happy creating an environment that he enjoys looking at and working in. I did not realise that Pete was that kind of guy ... but he is and I love watching him spend time building something that he enjoys ... he loves the flowers and the colour of spring and is most content working in his garden.

There are many things about aging that are difficult, uncomfortable, confronting and at times depressing but there are also some wonderful things about getting older. Slowing down is one, being content with the simple things of life and even noticing them. Not being rushed, or over extended ... are just some of the things that this time of life offers us if we wish to notice.

Anyway enough of that ... we have just returned from the yearly Tranz Alpine Lotus Car Club Rally. The weather was perfect and the landscape was breathtaking. NZ is beautiful!! I loved seeing Pete enjoy his car ... we have met some interesting people over the last 3 years that we have attended ... all Lotus enthusiasts. Here are our photos.

On the road again ... early Saturday morning heading down to Omarama. Pete's pride and joy! Not me the car.

We stopped of in Fairlie for a pie ... oh my word these are the best pies in the whole wide world. We had heard they were good and they are. Mike you have to come home and try one.

Mount Cook looking over Lake Pukaki ... the colour is breathtaking. Rich and Paula Vial are coming out to NZ from the States in January and I can't wait to show them this! 

 Here are all the Lotus' lined up for a photo shoot our one is in the front row at the end. 

Pete and Allisdair Lamont looking over our Lotus. Our little car was built in 1991 and I think we bought it in about 2004 just before Mike came home of his mission. Allisdair went to school with Rob ... these 2 had a lot of fun reminiscing over old times. 

This is my favourite ... I think this car is so sexy!! Of course it was built in the 70s and I am a 70s girl. I love the colour.

Travelling back in convoy ... coming up to Twizel ... Mike this a road trip for you and Chris to do in the Lotus when you are next in NZ ... which is soon I hope.

Driving round by Lake Pukaki 

Driving towards Mt Cook ... my hope is that these photos will make Mike homesick enough to come back to NZ for a summer with his family.

Not only is NZ the most beautiful country in the world ... but we are now officially the best Rugby Team in the world. The ABs did us proud. Pete watched this with the rest of the Lotus drivers early Sunday Morning. A historic day for NZ rugby. I feel proud to be a NZr!

This perfect little girl has been keeping us busy and awake at night since our return. Meet Marigold ... she is the most beautiful Marigold in the whole wide world and we love her heaps. We miss her dreadfully ... she is visiting family in the States and we cant wait to see her again. 

Meet Livia ... she was born a few weeks ago ... isn't she lovely, isn't she beautiful (in the words of Stevie Wonder). Livia is coming to stay with us with her big sister Elizabeth and Mum and Dad over Christmas and we are very, very, excited to get to know her. There will be lots of playing with Elizabeth, reading, bathing with cousin Marigold. We are going to have the best Christmas with these wonderful little people running around and ruling our lives. Is there any other way to have Christmas or a summer holiday?

My Home Town

I have been thinking a lot over the last couple of weeks of how to bring our travel blog to a conclusion. I did not want to just stop, or disappear. We have really enjoyed posting photos and sharing our experiences with those who have been interested. I have been surprised at how much I have enjoyed writing about our adventures. Writing a blog became a really enjoyable and significant part of our travel, something that I looked forward to doing. When we took photos I would often ask myself 'how would this look on our blog?' I came to the conclusion what better way to finish than with a post of 'my home town' and here it is.

We have been home nearly three weeks. Time has gone by so fast. There have been days when we have been overwhelmed with unpacking, cleaning, unpacking, cleaning. Moving mess from one part of our house to the other. We miss our travel ... every day had something different and interesting to see or do. Life back @ 29a has been a lot of the same. Traveling got easier and easier! There are no big life questions that need to be considered or answered. There are no bills that need to be paid. There are no pressing or urgent demands. Life was simple ... what shall we do today, where will we eat, what is our budget and can I wear this outfit again. Engaging with life again has been challenging, stressful and a little frightening at times. We want to hold on to the sense of adventure and openness to whatever comes next. That has been challenging when old patterns of thought start to creep into our consciousness.

We are wading through it all. We have organised cell phones. Bought a car ... which we have to pick up from Whangarei. Pete has his Lotus back. I have gone grocery shopping ... I found that scary and stressful at the same time. We have put up our bed which is so nice to be sleeping in again and started catching up on some lost viewing time. We have loved catching up friends, family and neighbors and have been very moved by how pleased people have been to see us. We have had MacGregor Matthews to stay over. We took him to the movies and I have started reading him King Arthur, I loved every minute with him. It has not taken me long to get back into the habit of hot showers. I have had hot chocolates from all my favourite spots and a cheese roll from the cheese mongers.

Here are our first impressions of returning home ...

We have not felt cold in a very long time, maybe the odd day or evening but not what I would call winter. I love wood burners! There is nothing like a fire on a cold, wet, miserable day. We have stacked a lot of wood over the years ... there have been many wood stacking family activities which always seemed to end in fights over who is not stacking enough, it is not fair and how come we are not being paid for this!

Packing and unpacking look exactly the same to me ... messy and chaotic. I am sure there are better and more organised ways of doing this. 

Loving yoghurt again ... Collective is one of my favourtie brands along with Piako and Bliss. Yum, Yum, Yum!

lucy's birthing kit. lucy and Josh are planning to have a home birth at our house, a little girl. In lucy's kit there are towels, hand towels, birthing mats that lucy made, baby's layette, a couple of snuggly blankets, hair ties and bobby pins. We are ready for her to arrive whenever she is ready.

The birthing pool. Pete's and my job is to keep this pool full with warm water. A rather daunting task. We feel very honoured to be involved in such a life changing experience for lucy and Josh.

I have had a lot of fun dressing up our house with some of the things we bought on our travels. We bought this wall hanging in Luang Prabang ... it was woven by a master weaver. A master weaver designs their own patterns and then weaves them. This design came second place in some competition and took months to weave. We loved it. I know I have said this before but I fell in love with the textiles that we saw on our travels. I wish I had bought so much more.

These cards are hand made, the paper and the painting. We loved them and they look great on our wall. Another purchase from Luang Prabang.

Our famous rug we bought in Turkey ... looks beautiful on our bedroom floor. 

A block printed sheet from India ... I use it as a duvet cover. I love looking at it ... I love the colours. I love the memories. I bought a few of these. 

 I will always remember the colours of India ... who would have thought that a thistle could look so beautiful.

While we were away our family home @ 371 River Road was demolished. This is how 371 now looks ... the beech tree along the right hand side Rob planted. He came back with a tiny shrub from a trip to the West Coast and now it is a protected tree. I notice waves of grief and sadness roll over me at times as I travel round the city. I think it will take many years for ChCh to recover, physically and emotionally. 

A sign of change ... autumn colours are so beautiful here in ChCh and when the light catches the trees with their turning leaves they can look spectacular. I love the depth of colour autumn brings.

A lot of new is happening in Christchurch with the ongoing rebuild. Some of the buildings are beautiful and some are bland. I like this one. 

I am undecided on this one ... lots of glass seems to be a theme in the rebuild. I love the contrast of this building and the pop-up coffee caravan. There were a lot of these pop-up cafes in Christchurch before we left.

The old Christchurch... hanging on. Looks like it might stay. I hope so. 

I came across this ANZAC memorial while driving round ChCh. This means so much more to us after our trip to Gallipoli. Gone but not forgotten, a lot like Christchurch ... a lot has gone. I had so much fun driving round ChCh taking photos. The day was beautiful. I felt like I was reconnecting with my home town again and it felt so peaceful.

We could not believe how quiet Christchurch was when we arrived. We knew that it would be a lot more quiet than some of the cities we have visited, but the roads seemed so dead to us. This is Durham Street which is one of the main one-way streets through Christchurch. I was shocked by how empty it was! 

Some things are still the same ... thank goodness! Punting on the Avon.

 Christchurch Cathedral holds so much history for me. I have a photo of my parents and Grandmother taken in front of the Cathedral and I have had my photo taken in front of it. It was a Friday night tradition to have your photo taken outside the Cathedral. I spent a lot of my youth climbing up the steps of the Cathedral bell tower which has gone. There was even the odd suicide from the tower. We used to drive round the Square and always drive past the Cathedral ... my hooligan days. At one point this was the tallest building in the city but as you can see over time it has been dwarfed. I do hope this building is not forgotten.

I loved seeing the City Tram up and running.

There was and still is a lot of street art that has popped up around the city ... this is one of the originals. 

My first movie back in ChCh ... Cheryl and I went to see it at Alice's Cinema. A delightful French movie. 

I am not sure where to from here. We have a baby arriving any day and we are very excited to meet her ... she will keep us busy for a while. We have people coming to stay that we met on our travels and we are looking forward to seeing them. We have to start earning again ... for our next trip. We are scared and excited about creating a new kind of life here in ChCh ... our home town. 

The Last Days ... Perth

The Sunsets in Perth are spectacular ... every night we had a view like this. 

From the very beginning Australia was going to be our last stop before home. lucy was living in Melbourne and we have very good friends in Perth that we really wanted to see. Our original plan was to drive from Perth to Melbourne, spend some time with lucy and then fly home. lucy's plans changed and consequently so did ours. Perth has been our last stop and we are so glad we stopped off here to spend time with friends. They have been so generous and hospitable. We have been really spoilt! We have loved catching up with friends that we have not seen in years and friends who moved over to Perth in the last couple of years. We have felt rich here ... rich in relationships. I have been humbled by their generosity and very grateful to have such good people in our lives who love and value us.

We can't believe that we are heading home. We are very excited to see our family and also nervous about picking up our lives again. We are definitely not looking forward to cold weather. We have decisions to make, employment to think about, a car to buy and we will need to earn money again for our next trip. I am not sure how we will adjust back to everyday life, but I have learnt over my life time that transition periods can be uncomfortable for a while. We have had such an amazing experience, both of us are sad to see it come to an end and do not regret our decision to travel. We have met wonderful people, seen and done some amazing things and enjoyed spending time with each other.

Thank you so much to our friends for making our last stop so memorable, rejuvenating and inspiring. 

The birds here are magnificent and colourful. Colin and Madeline have a bird bath and feeder on their decking and everyday birds feed and bathe here. I loved the sound of them early in the morning and watching them feed, they look completely at home on Madeline and Colin's decking. We enjoyed their company early in the morning and in the evening as the sun went down. 

I loved seeing Pete and Colin chatting away together ... every day.  I loved seeing Pete enjoy the company of male companions. He looked like he was having so much fun. I have not seen Pete hang out with male friends in a long time. Pete really enjoyed Colin's company and wisdom.  

Madeline and I went for an early morning swim in their pool every day we stayed with them. Madeline loves to swim, so I joined her. I met Madeline when I was on placement at Home and Family during my training. We became friends very quickly. I love having her wisdom in my life, her friendship means a lot to me.  I think every woman needs older women friends as guides and mentors and Madeline has been that for me. I am inspired by her energy and love of life and seeing her jump into her pool early in the morning inspired me to do the same in all areas of my life. Be brave, jump boldly, do not look back, do not second guess yourself and do not be afraid.  

I feel like we have known Richard and Pauline forever. I flatted with Richard in Christchurch in my YSA days. We were at their wedding, Pete as a missionary and me as a guest. Richard gave me away when Pete and I married. They supported us when we were very poor students living in Auckland. We used to drive over to the North Shore often and they would feed us. Their place felt like home, a place to go to when life was hard. We loved catching up with them again and it felt like no time had passed. Richard and Pauline are the salt of the earth, on many occasions they have been there to rescue us, I will always be grateful for them. I wish we had had longer with them. A really nice way to end a lovely evening with two people who we love very much ...we had such yummy hot chocolates at this restaurant ... to die for.

These two are like peas in a pod. Greg and Pete are so much alike, they even look alike. We had a wonderful time staying with Greg and Chris. We shared ourselves between Madeline and Colin and Greg and Chris. If I had been more organised we would have stayed with Richard and Pauline as well. 

We spent Saturday in Freemantle with Greg and Chris and enjoyed wandering round the markets and through the shops. Chris got the funkiest pair of shoes there. There was lots of good energy, music, dancing and food.

Greg and Chris and fish and chips. I cannot remember the last time we had fish and chips and these were particularly good, not fatty at all. No I have not started eating meat again ... just fish. Greg and Chris have been very good friends for a long time. I remember meeting Chris when she was flatting with Penny McLeod and looking into the church. I have always looked up to Chris ... she is the queen of class. I met Greg through Pete when I returned home from my mission. We are so fortunate to have such good friends in our lives, people who inspire us. People we can laugh, cry and play with.  

We celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary with Greg and Chris. I love this photo of Pete, it is such a Pete grin.

I love this mural ... 

At last we got to experience Ikea. We have heard so much about Ikea and it certainly lived up to it's reputation. If only we had one in NZ.

Greg and Chris introduced us to their friends, Barb and Neil ... they are lovely people. We went and had morning tea with them ... it was more like a high tea. I have never had muffins that tasted so good. The chocolate brownie was delicious. Neil and Barb have not long been back from their mission in Samoa, which they loved. Neil has a few Holdens in his back yard and cars are always a talking point for Pete!

We really enjoyed spending time with Ineke and Asher, Greg and Chris' children. They were a lot of fun. They are both gorgeous and great young people. Asher did a lot of dishes while we stayed with them.

Aslan ... the more I got to know him the more I began to think that maybe I could do a pet dog. He is the most gorgeous dog and really well behaved. He posed for this photo.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! We have had such a wonderful time with great friends.

35 Years

4 April 1980

"They say to love is to bury all the demons from which we hide ..." Cowboy Junkies

Pete and I were married in the Hamilton Temple on 4 April 1980. I was terrified! Deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with is the most important decision of your life. I am not sure we really thought about where we would be in 35 years, how we would parent, what sorts of things we wanted to achieve together in our lives. But we did know we wanted to be together, even though we were young and scared. Thirty five years and 4 children later, here we are. A lot has happened in those years and we have learnt a lot about each other, ourselves, parenting, relationships and life.

Some people say there are no guarantees in marriage, I am not sure I agree. When I was training to be a couple therapist one of my trainers said "you fall in love and then you stand in love". I love this idea. Everyday we choose to love each other. During the course of a conversation with Mike, our eldest son, he very profoundly said when you choose to marry someone the choice to leave is over. 

In the course of my work I have watched as couples repair their relationships from affairs, try to improve their communication, learn how to understand each other better, love each other more effectively and passionately and be more empathic and forgiving of each other. I have witnessed as couples decide to separate and that has been very, very painful, particularly watching the person who wants to stay crumble before my eyes. I have learnt a lot about relationships from the couples I have worked with.

My particular modality of couple therapy is EFT, Emotionally Focussed Therapy which focusses on attachment. The theory behind EFT is that we are hard-wired to attach. In other words we want to love and to be loved! There is a lot of research that confirms this theory. It sounds simple to love someone ... but sometimes it can be hard. Seeing ourselves through the eyes and experience of the one we love can be very challenging.  Pete and I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly in each other. We have had times when we have wondered what are we doing and why we are here. But we have always come back to the point of 'I love you' and to the covenants we made with each other on our wedding day. The love and commitment we share has been a very tangible and solid thread in our relationship and very reassuring in those moments when things feel tough. Loving someone does not mean the absence of conflict or the loss of self. There are couple experts who believe that all relationships have some unresolvable conflict, others believe that the more differentiated we are in our relationships the greater the level of intimacy a couple can reach.

To reach this 35 year milestone in our relationship is a great achievement for Pete and I. We have not got here by accident. We have worked hard, we have looked deep inside ourselves and have been prepared to face our demons, those hurts and pains that we have brought with us into our relationship. We have been willing to change because our relationship with each other has meant more to each of us than ourselves. We have faced our disappointments in life, in ourselves and in each other together. We have learnt to trust each other and we know in our core that the other wants the very best for them. We have celebrated each others successes and helped to lift each other when we have failed in some way, whether that be real or perceived. We have shared a belief in our marriage covenants and the power that they bring into our relationship when we let them. We have wanted to see each other do well and achieve their dreams and goals. Thirty five years sounds like a long time but I promise you, it is not! We are still learning about each other and from each other. We still get annoyed with each other, but most important, we still love each other and we still choose our relationship.  

This may sound like a fairy tale, I assure you it is not. Nor is it a brag blog of look at us and how great we are! This is an acknowledgment of our hard work over the last 35 years and how we have learnt to love and live with each other. Our relationship is the crowning achievement of our lives. It has been the one consistent thing for the last 35 years, it is always there like an anchor keeping us strong and solid with ourselves and each other.

We have found the last 35 years the most rewarding, enriching, challenging and developing of our lives and we would do it again and again and again.  I cannot think of anyone else who I want to share my life with, warts and all! 

I believe relationships are highly creative and go through periods of creative change. Sometimes that change can be stimulating and exciting and sometimes it can be challenging, but it is vital to our relationships. Carol Gilligan, a human developmentalist once said, "... I have been married 9 different times and each time it has been to the same man." I love her statement ... we can keep creating a relationship that is vital and rewarding and brings growth and happiness to each of us.

The Taj Mahal was built as a public declaration of love ... I believe in love! I believe the most important and rewarding thing we will ever do in our lives is find love. Meeting that person who lights up our world and thinks we are perfect the way we are ... for a while. Pete has been that person for me.

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be, for
I love thee with the breath,
Smile, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
(The Brownings found by Pete)